Just in case anybody thinks it may be a great idea to rent out one of the Atlas caravans at the lakes THINK AGAIN.
At 70 quid a night its not really a bargain but being a fisherman and enjoying the lake views I thought I would hire one for the missus and dog , we also had another MAD team member staying with us .
Right , arrived at 4, met with the owner who seemed very nice, didnt give us the quick "show you where everything is "bit but I,m old enough to work most things out so of we went with the key.
It werent the one in the brochure but the one next to the sh*t house for campers .on opening the door I was nearly knocked over by the rank stench of sewage , lovely , opened all the windows , doors etc but never cleared.
It was quite dirty with ripped curtains , blinds etc , generally shabby , still werent too bothered I only wanted somewhere to put my head down anyway,
Off to the Raven we went for dinner.
So came back and its a bit cold , thought I might as well warm the smell of sewage up a bit, tried to light the fire and ended up losing my eyebrows and lashes , great !
Sod it, I will have a brew, the gas rings ignitors didnt work so I got them going with the last embers of hair from my face , During the night the wind seemed to blow more stink in the bedroom which ended up making me so damn angry I thought I would stick anything I could under the 2 inch gap under the bog door,
so daylight comes no sleep , lets have some toast , bloody hell, when I got the grillmpan put it mustve been under the caravan or summatt , grease fir tree needles rust the lot , wont be doing that then , oh well another brew , lit a bit of paper from the fire to get the rings going again that got a bit smokey , oops thats gonna wake the missus when the smoke alarm goes off but no , no battery , hmm, not in the monoxide detector either
Now I,m really bloody angry so later after the first shoot I wandered up to the owner and politely remaked this is not safe or clean etc
Now this bit really suprised me , well Sir its all your fault you should have told us sooner
really I thought , may be you would have noticed theres a half inch gap round the soil pipe letting the stink in when you did your COMPULSORY SAFETY CHECKS
Anyhoo , there you have it , its not a excuse for my poor scores the weekend , just the excellent course set out by FORT .
DO NOT RENT THESE PROPERTIES OUT THEY ARE DANGEROUS